


Would Attempted Autofellatio Get You On Jackass?

by TheseusInTheMaze



Category: Game Grumps
Genre: Bar, Blow Job, Intercrural Sex, M/M, Thigh sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-18
Updated: 2018-03-18
Packaged: 2019-04-03 22:56:52
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,693
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14006664
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheseusInTheMaze/pseuds/TheseusInTheMaze
Summary: Arin and Dan go to a bar, and get into a weird discussion.





	Would Attempted Autofellatio Get You On Jackass?

**Author's Note:**

> Edited by Angel!

"I can't believe I let you talk me into going to a bar," Arin grumbled, as he leaned against a wall. 

"We're not here to be at a bar," Dan reminded Arin, leaning closer, so that they were hip to hip. "We're here to see my buddy jam out."

"But we're still at a bar," Arin pointed out.

"Okay, fair, it _is_ a bar," said Dan. "You could order a drink, if you'd like."

"Nah," said Arin. "Suzy is the one doing the experimental stuff, not me. Besides, it'd feel weird, you being sober while I'm being sober."

"So now you view being not-sober as a fun thing?"

Dan was teasing.

"I mean," said Arin, "I guess it can be, if enough people like it."

Dan snorted.

"A lot of people like doing Jackass style stunts," he pointed out.

"Is Jackass still going?"

"I have no fuckin' idea," said Dan. "I think the idea of it has just entered the cultural what do you call it."

"Lexicon?"

"Yeah, that."

"We should totally play the Jackass game," Arin said, his expression thoughtful. 

"There's a _game_?"

Dan's expression was appalled.

"I mean," Arin said, and he was looking at the ceiling, deep in thought, "if any reality show would make for a good video game, I think it'd be Jackass."

"What, really?"

"Oh, totally," said Arin. "Because, like, you could get extra points for doing stunts, shit like that." He looked at Dan's face out of the corner of his eye, as people walked by them. "Did you used to watch Jackass while you were high?"

" _God_ no," Dan said, and he shuddered. "I don't want to even think about what weird shit I'd end up thinking about."

"Were you really that suggestible when you were high?"

Arin's own experiences with marijuana had been rather... memorable, so he could imagine not wanting to mix the types of stuff done by the folks at Jackass into his brain. 

"Did you ever do stupid stunts, when you were a teenager?"

"I was a pretty mellow teenager, I think," Dan said, his tone thoughtful.

Arin snorted.

"Didn't you really fuck your neck up from trying to suck your own dick?"

"... I mean, that wasn't actually me doing a stupid stunt," said Dan. "In my defense."

"It was pretty stupid," Arin said, and he was starting to grin again. 

"Yeah, but it was a stupid stunt in the pursuit of actually getting off. Not a stupid stunt for the sake of doing a stupid stunt."

"Such a big difference," Arin teased, and now he was leaning closer, and his breath was right in Dan's ear. "You think you could still suck your own dick?"

"What do you mean by 'still,' dude, I never managed to do it the first time," said Dan, and he was laughing. "I mean, I made a good attempt, I won't lie, but I never got any of that sweet, sweet autofellatio."

Arin was paying more attention to how good Dan smelled, and how warm Dan was against him. 

The music had paused a while ago, and they were just... standing there, as a different band came on, and it was just the two of them, standing there in their dark corner.

"I could offer you some of the regular fellatio," Arin said, right in Dan's ear, and Dan shuddered like Arin's lips were wrapped around his dick right then and there, his eyes fluttering closed, his lips parting. 

"Um," said Dan.

"Hmm?"

Arin was the picture of innocent. 

At least, he was trying to be.

Think cute kittens with big eyes, shit like that.

He kept eye contact with Dan, as he imagined dropping to his own knees in front of Dan, right here and now, giving Dan the blowjob to end all blowjobs.

Standing up, his knees sore and sticky from all the spilled beer, with spunk on his face, or spunk on his breath.

... fuck. 

Arin's cock twitched, and he ground his hips unconsciously against Dan's bony hip.

Dan raised an eyebrow, and looked somewhere between annoyed and amused.

"Really, dude?"

"What?" Arin pouted. "I can't help it. You're just so hot, dude!"

Dan groaned, and Arin if it wasn't a groan of need, or in reaction of the cheesiness of the statement. 

"You're the worst," Dan said. 

"We could go have a quickie in the bathroom, before your friend does his next set," Arin countered.

"Since when are you one for quickies in the bathroom?"

"Since you're hot and I'm horny," said Arin, which was... true.

Or maybe he was feeling adventurous.

Suzy was trying all this new stuff, so why couldn't he?

Especially when they were in a part of town that they never went to, so it wasn't like anyone would recognize them.

... hopefully.

Maybe Arin was just thinking with his dick, which was never a good idea, but it wasn't like he did it that often, so maybe he could try getting away with it?

Doing his own bullshit Jackass-esque stunt.

Inasmuch as anyone can do that kind of thing when they're in their thirties and also not up for doing the really stupid, risky physical stuff.

Versus the possible career suicide.

But here he was, suggesting it. 

Was this what a midlife crisis felt like?

Was he even at the point of his life that he would have a midlife crisis?

But all he wanted right now was to feel Dan's cock in his mouth, as deep as he could get it. 

Even if it meant getting on his knees in a bar restroom. 

“... fuck it,” said Dan, and he kissed Arin loudly on the cheek. 

He wasn't yet at the point of kissing Arin full on the mouth in public just yet. 

But soon. 

… hopefully. 

“I'll go in first,” Dan said, “and then you can wait a few minutes and then you can come in.

“Right,” said Arin.

… holy shit, they were going to do this.

Fuck.

Arin's cock was already hard, Arin's heart was already beating fast, Arin's everything was already overheated. 

He took a swig of his water, and he licked his lips.

Okay.

He could do this. 

* * *

Arin slid into the bathroom like a thief in the night, and the light was dim.

There was barely room for them - it was a single occupancy restroom, and thankfully the bar had a few of ‘em, or else Arin might have felt guilty.

And then he was closing the door behind him, and Dan was standing there, looking anxious, until he wasn’t, because Arin was pressing closer to Dan, his arms over Dan’s shoulders, and he was kissing Dan, he was kissing Dan with his whole mouth, his tongue in Dan’s mouth, his fingers tangled in Dan’s hair. 

It was all a mess of heat and wetness, of familiarity; he was already beginning to know the taste of Dan’s mouth as well as he knew Suzy’s, the press of Dan’s skinny chest against his own.

He cupped Dan’s cheeks with his hand, pulling apart, and he was panting like he’d ben running a race.

“Have you… is the door locked?”

Dan was panting, and his cheeks were pink, his lips swollen and shiny in the dim light.

God, he was so fucking _gorgeous_ , it wasn’t fair.

He kissed Dan again, pressing Dan into the bare bit of wall that they could both fit in, and he kissed Dan like he was dying.

God, was this what being young had felt like?

 

He didn’t remember anymore, but his heart was thundering in his ears, and his hips were rolling, his cock hard, pressing against the seam of his jeans, pressing against his zipper, pressing against his own cock. 

God, all he wanted to was to sink himself as deep inside of Dan as he could, he wanted to fuck Dan until Dan couldn’t feel his own legs, he wanted to fill his whole head - his whole _everything_ \- with Dan’s scent, the feel of Dan’s skin.

Dan kissed Arin back, and maybe there wasn’t that same desperation in it, but he was clinging like a monkey, kissing harder, as hard as he could, and when they pulled apart, Dan’s eyes were dark. 

“Fuck,” Dan said thickly, “Fuck, Ar, you’re….”

“I know,” Arin said, and he smiled, a little nervous. “It’s… it’s intense, isn’t it?”

“Yeah,” said Dan, and he laughed, a tad anxious.

“Could you have seen yourself doing this in your old autofellatio days?”

“Why are you referring to them as my autofellatio days, when I never actually managed to do it?”

“I mean,” Arin said, “they were the days when autofellatio was at least a vague glimmer on the horizon.”

“Versus….”

“Well, not so much a glimmer on the horizon anymore,” Arin said, and he burst out laughing, snickering, his face still pressed against Dan’s. 

Dan snickered back.

“Fellatio in and of itself isn’t off of the menu, though,” said Arin. 

“You’re mixing up your metaphors,” Dan grumbled. 

“A thousand pardons,” Arin said, and he… got on his knees, right then and there.

He was so going to wash these pants when he got home. 

Like, really wash them.

With bleach.

Dan was looking up at him, his expression downright anxious. 

“Seriously?”

“Seriously,” Arin said, working Dan’s belt free, then shoving his pants down around his thighs. 

He took Dan’s boxers with them, and then… there was Dan’s cock, right there in his face, and he was leaning in, kissing the head of it, nuzzling along it, then taking the whole thing into his mouth.

He sucked on it, his cheeks hollowing out, and Dan groaned, a deep, heartfelt groan.

Arin paused, looking up at Dan. 

“Dude,” he said, “while I know I give fuckin’ amazing blowies… you gotta be quiet.”

“RIght,” Dan said roughly, and he crammed his own fingers into his mouth.

Arin kept eye contact as he took it all the way into his mouth, sucking on it, his tongue flickering along the underside of Dan’s cock.

Dan’s other hand rested on top of his head.

Arin kept his hands on Dan’s thighs, and he sucked harder, as Dan leaned heavily back against the wall. 

“Fuck,” Dan gasped around his own fingers. “Oh god, fuck, Arin, fuck, Ar, you… it… fuck!”

Dan was gasping, his whole face red, and he was beginning to shake. 

Arin swallowed Dan carefully, inch by inch, right down his throat, and Dan was shaking so hard that his knees were possibly going to give out.

Then Arin pulled off, pressing sloppy, wet kisses along the shaft of Dan’s cock while he worked along the head with his fist.

He kept up eye contact, aware of just how debauched he was - he was on his knees in the men’s room of a bar, giving a blow job like someone out of a porno. 

And Dan shuddered, as if he had been shocked.

“Ar,” Dan said, and his voice cracked, “I’m gonna cum if you keep that up.”

“How would you feel about me fucking you, right here and now?”

Arin pitched his voice low, that way that always made Dan’s toes curl. 

“I… fuck, we don’t have lube,” Dan said. 

“We could… we could compromise,” Arin said, and he was freeing his own dick from his jeans, wrapping his hand around his cock and squeezing the head of it.

“Compromise,” Dan said, his tone deadpan. “How do we compromise on that?”

“I could fuck your thighs,” Arin suggested, breathless.

He’d seen it done in a few pornos - he’d even done it with Suzy, a time or two. 

“... how would that work?”

Dan looked intrigued. 

“You’ve never done that before?”

Arin stood up carefully, his knees sore, popping and crackling like a bowl of cereal .

“Not really, no,” said Dan. 

“Well,” said Arin, “what I’d do is I’d put my hard, throbbing cock between your thighs, and you’d squeeze them together, and then I’d fuck that space.”

“... oh,” said Dan, and he was flushing. “I, uh, I don’t have much in the way of thighs. I don’t know how well it’d work. Um.”

“I think we could make it work,” Arin said, and he pressed his cock against Dan’s, squeezing them together.

Dan groaned, and then he grinned, his expression silly.

“Your dick is kissing mine,” he said, his tone earnest.

“Penis kisses,” Arin said, and he made silly kissy noises as he pressed the head of his cock along the head of Dan’s cock. 

“Oh my god, Arin. Only you,” said Dan. 

He was grinning, although the grin faded, as his expression got more thoughtful. 

“How are we gonna do this?”

“Turn around,” Arin suggested, “and spread your legs.” 

“I thought you wanted me to press my thighs together,” said Dan.

“I need to figure out where I’m going first,” said Arin. 

Dan snorted, but he turned around, his arms folded, his face pressed into them.

* * *

There was some finagling; figuring out where someone was going to put their hips, then getting it in the right space.

He was lubricated with his own pre, and his own cock was right under Dan’s.

He wriggled his hips, thrusting slowly, leisurely, and Dan moaned.

“Shhh,” Arin said, right in Dan’s ear, and Dan shuddered. 

Arin held on to Dan’s hip with one hand, and he held onto Dan’s cock with the other, stroking Dan’s cock with long, slow strokes, matching the thrusting of his own hips.

Dan was shaking, and he was grinding back against Arin, mumbling incoherently into his own arms. 

The music was starting up again, a deep bassline, and Dan was shuddering again, with it, his head lolling back onto Arin’s shoulder, and Arin pressed damp, sweaty kisses against Dan’s face and the bare expanse of Dan’s neck, burying his face into it, letting the taste of Dan’s skin fill his head, as the pleasure began to swamp his own sense.

He was going to cum, he was going to cum in the bathroom of a bar, like something out of the illicit pornos he still sometimes jerked off to, and Dan was already going stiff against him. 

Dan came first, striping the wall with cum, and Arin made soothing noises in Dan’s ear as Dan cried out, milking Dan for all he was worth, as Dan’s knees went weak.

Arin held him up, and he kept thrusting, until he couldn’t breathe, couldn’t think, was only aware of things distantly; sweat was dripping down his back, sweat was collecting at the crack of his ass, his shirt was soaked through at the pits.

He pressed his face into Dan’s neck, and then he was cumming, he was cumming hard enough that things went a little white around the edges, and then he was shaking, clutching at Dan and kissing along Dan’s neck. 

“Fuck, Ar,” Dan mumbled, and his voice vibrated through Dan’s chest, through Arin’s arms, “holy fuck.”

“Was it good for you, darling?”

Arin’s voice was rough, and he was trying not to start laughing.

“You’re such an asshole,” Dan mumbled.

Arin snickered.

“We should be… not assholes, and we should clean up the mess,” Arin said, indicating the mess on the wall.

“In a sec,” said Dan, sinking back against Arin. “Fuck. I can’t believe I just did that.”

“What, you never fucked someone in a bar when you were having your rebellious youth days?”

“I never did it with a dude,” said Dan. 

“Well,” said Arin, “this is the first time I’ve ever done anything like this. Period.”

“Congratulations,” Dan said. “I look forward to many more important firsts with you.”

Arin burst out into ugly, honking laughter, still clinging to Dan’s middle.

“Remind me to get the Jackass game,” he said, right into Dan’s ear.

Then the door was being banged on, and they sprang apart - or at least, they tried to.

“Just a sec,” Arin called.

Dan was biting back snickers, grabbing toilet paper to wipe down the wall, as Arin pulled his pants back up, heedless of how damp his dick was.

* * * 

He was only slightly embarrassed, as the two of them slunk out to the leering face of Dan’s friend.

**Author's Note:**

> Like this fic?
> 
> Want me to write you something like it, or something completely different?
> 
> Come talk to me on my tumblr, theseusinthemaze.tumblr.com!


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